Enjoy the day and make hilarious and Funny facebook posts, funny facebook status updates that everyone will like, funny status for facebook that everyone will like and funny status for facebook that will get likes. This collection of funny facebook status lines are so funny that your friends will cry while laughing at your facebook wall posts
Funny Facebook Status
1. My face when my computer says “are you sure you want to continue unprotected” 😀 😀
2. I don’t know which is easier, asking a dumb question or correcting a dumb question.
3. To know a girl’s faults, praise her nonstop to her girlfriends then open your ears and hear their epic replies.
4. Who introduced that “nothing” is impossible, I’ve been doing nothing all my life.
5. The world will not end in 2017 because my body cream expires in 2018.
6. I keep wondering when dogs assumes it’s for them when someone rings the door.
7. Finally, I decided to burn loads of calories, so I got a fat kid and set him on fire. That’s all.
8. When I speak my mind, I don’t mind what I speak.
9. I had to get the fridge to my room because I couldn’t cope with the long distance relationship.
10. When I use “it’s a long story” it doesn’t mean it’s that long but that I don’t just wish to tell you about it.
11. Remembering everything is good because you seem to be a genius but sometimes, not remembering at all is better.
12. My computer may beat me in chess but it dare not challenge me in kick boxing.
13. She wrote “Your adorable”, I noted “no, You’re adorable”. Now she believes I like her but all I did was correct her typo.
14. I dare you to say this out loud and fast; U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q U.
15. Why is it that whenever someone says “I want to ask you a question”, you mind runs through all the bad things you did recently.
16. Don’t tell me you slept like a baby because Babies wake up every three hours crying for food.
17. I would have killed the sexiest person alive but I discovered that suicide is against the law.
18. Love is in every corner they say… I guess I’m moving in circles because I can’t find em.
19. Sometimes I know I should shut up but the other time, I don’t know when to.
20. Me and my girlfriend are inseparable. Sometime, it takes five or six people to pull us apart.
21. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why newspapers are five times more interesting only when somebody across the table is reading it.
22. Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly admitting you murdered someone to the FBI.
22. A man only realize that his father was right when he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
23. Rather than speak and discard all doubt’s of you being stupid, remain silent and be presumed a fool.
24. Vice versa, accidents in back seats causes children while children in backseats causes accidents. Both complement each other.
25. Every girl is bad in their own way. Good girls are just few bad girls that are yet to be caught.
26. There is high probability that other animals (wild and domesticated) hates tbr dog for getting credit for one of the popular sexual position ever in human history.
27. There is no comparison between artificial intelligence and natural stupidity.
28. You might like to run because Monday is coming.
29. Why do every body sound like Asians when they sneeze?
30. While its everybody’s right to be stupid.. But some people are abusing the privilege given to them by nature.
31. If money doesn’t bring happiness, going to shopping will.
32. I only wake early when I can’t hold my pee any longer.
33. Tag that friend who likes everything even when its not funny.
34. Do stupid things every day when you’re young, so that you will have something to smile and talk about when you become old.
35. Inequality began when there is an ice cream truck for kids but no beer truck for adults.
36. Whats the difference between waiting for a girl who says she will be ready in 5 more mins and a guy who says the game has 5 mins left?
37. I have always respected my grandpa who advised me that if I have nothing good to say then I should keep quiet, yet people still try to find out why I’m always silent.
38. That heroic moment you go the answer of your classwork wrong but your teacher accidentally marked it correct. You will be like hip hip hip!
39. That awkward moment you try to silent a call without picking but accidentally answers it.
40. 3 steps to enjoy a cool evening:
Pour milk on the floor
Gather the kids and ask who did it
Send them to their rooms and enjoy your awesome evening.
41. I’m still wondering how my parents spent their first part of life teaching us to walk and talk and the other half trying to sit us down and shut up.
42. I’m having a hard time in pleasing people this days, so if you want to be pleased, try me in my next life. See you then.
43. One thing you can’t do at home but do on Facebook is writing on the wall.
44. I’m only saying good bye because aliens will be coming to abduct all the beautiful people, don’t worry you are safe.
45. There is only one explanation why girls live longer than guys, its because shopping doesn’t cause heart attack, paying the bills does.
46. Remember when they say everything happens for a reason? When I stopped messaging you, its for a reason.
47. I do what I like when I want. You don’t have to like me either because I’m not a Facebook status.
48. Its high time mathematics begin solving its own problems because I’m not a therapist.
49. Guess What do i do when i see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? You won’t believe it. I stare deeply, with a sheepish smile and when i get tired i put the mirror down.
Status for facebook that Will Get Likes
50. Trust me, if your dog is fat, it only means one thing, you are not getting enough exercise.
51. Its crazy right, some would say money aint the most important thing in the world, but Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
52. Wow, you have won a price for being the 100th person to like my funny post, scratch here ###### to reveal your wonderful price.
53. Welcome to the World Wide Web, where everyone is an expert in detecting typo, while the children are the FBIs.
54. The good girls will lead you to heaven, but the bad ones will make you feel you are in heaven.
55. Credit into my account to see my status for the day.
56. Facebook is really funny, you go around people’s wall commenting on what doesn’t concern you and get poked by people you don’t know.
57. One day my Mr. Right will come, maybe he is lost somewhere when he took the wrong left.
58. Am here, not knowing what to do or say. There, #Boredom at its peak.
59. I wonder why people say, nothing is impossible, because, since I left bed today, I have practically done nothing.
60. Do you know that in a conversation, it’s when you close your mouth, you listen very well, thank you for your attention.
61. I will create a new Facebook account with name, nobody, so when I see useless posts on Facebook, I just comment on it, and Facebook says, nobody commented on the post.
62. One thing I like about Facebook is, you can quote someone and make up the source and you will definitely get lot of likes.
63. When I grow up, I would love to be a lawyer, who wouldn’t tell a lie, no matter what, my teacher slapped me and shouted, that’s impossible.
64. Nine out of ten doctors, will totally agree that one of every ten doctors you come across is an asshole.
65. I asked my 6 year old kid, how I could get a holy water, he told me to boil the hell out of it.
66. Hey cutie, it will be nice to as you out, just let me know the way you came in.
67. I will let you in on a secret, you want to know some of your girlfriend flaws, gather her friends around and keep praising her.
68. Only this month, we have seen lot of changes and upgrades on face book, yet not even a beta testing for dislike button.
69. I believe that Animals are yet to eat their forbidden fruit, that’s why they’re still naked
70. I reward myself for sleeping by eating then reward myself for eating by sleeping. If nobody hail me, I got to hail myself.
71. Good morning people of my country, tell me, what are we offended by today?
72. It’s a funny world we live in right now, where by Having a good heart can put you in some fucked up situation.
73. I am just sitting here, looking at the sky, regretting a lot of shit, like I should have finished the meat, while I was out with bae. She left it and I left it.
74. Wouldn’t surprise me if Arsenal football club was a social experiment to see how long someone can support a club without killing themselves.
75. My Grandma once told me never should I laugh at a sick person because sickness is not something to laugh about. So please stop laughing at my math’s teacher. I don’t know where ‘X’ is, he doesn’t too.
76. If she wants my face book logins, it’s cool and easy she just ask me, and amma humbly tell her NO.
77. All those boys that will accompany a girl home from your home to hers and start trekking back to your house in odd hour, do your parents know you’re useless?
78. If you sin by cheating on your partner 90 times you will get caught only 45 times because Sin 90 = Cot 45
79. Be with a “have you eaten yet?” Type of boy.
80. Since I was born, it’s the good people that have always complained about bad things happening to them why?
81. Dear Lord, So far today am doing alright
I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed or eaten any food
I have not charged anything from my ATM card, but I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and i know i will really need your help then
82. Just because a guy is flirting with you doesn’t mean you are hot literally, Sometimes when you’re hungry cabbage can be delicious.
83. Our ambitions are different, this is why some want to fly first class, and some wants to own the plane, some wants to date a guy that can afford lodging in a five star hotel, some wants to date the owner of the hotel.
84. I really need money right now, not a job.
85. You make your girl angry then you have to apologize, your girl make you angry then she get angry because you’re angry then you have to apologize because she’s angry.
86. To whom this post may concern, if you have dark armpits scrub daily with lemon for a few weeks it works, instead of always having to cover your armpits with emoji’s on Snap chat.
87. Me- mom can my friends come over?
Mom- arrange and clean up your room first .
*me calls friends*
“yeah…..she said no”
88. I don’t trust girls because girls spelt backwards is slrig, and it makes no sense.
89. It amazes me, how ugly girls turn out to be the most photogenic.
90. Most populated places in the world are China, Friendzone, India, United States and Indonesia
91. Will you date me???
Breathe if yes
Recite the bible in Japanese if no.
92. Never let mean people’s comments get to you just remember it’s just stupid people with smartphones.
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