90+ Super Funny Quotes for Facebook that Will Get Likes

Super Funny Quotes for Facebook that Will Get Likes

Here, we have compiled super funny Facebook status quotes that are sure to put a smile to your followers face’s. The lines in this collection are just perfect for use on your Facebook wall. You can also have these quotes for your WhatsApp profile or even your twitter. All you need to do is make others laugh.

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1. For those singles out there, stop searching for love or you will just end up getting married.
2. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. But send a man to the store to get 5 items; he will come home with 4. It’s simple science.
3. Having kids around makes you feel like engaging in a regular clean up after a big party you didn’t even attend.
4. A big shout out to those wonderfully looking women who date broke and unattractive men. Indeed, you keep hope alive. Thanks
5. To those graduates, I congratulate you on making it through the easiest part of your life. Cheers!
6. My mom says I am handsome, I only wish girls will realize that sooner.
7. I need someone to touch me the same way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
8. I never get to ask why you’re still married, so stop asking why I’m still single.
9. The best way to remind yourself of how much you love sitting is to engage in a running exercise
10. Letting someone else cook is my little secret ingredient
11. I don’t distance myself from anything. That’s not my kind of guy.
12. If you wonder why I don’t live some comments or like your posts, well, I unfollowed you a long time ago.
13. It’s surprisingly time-consuming when I’m not doing anything with my life.
14. Even when I don’t need to remember anything, it’s really amazing the things that come to my memory.
15. When I said hi, I wasn’t prepared for any follow-up conversation. I’m sorry about that.

Funny Facebook Status Lines

16. Looking for your kids? Then turn off the Wi-Fi and suddenly they appear.
17. Coca-Cola would put cocaine back in their recipe if they really cared about the issue of obesity.
18. I was right when I thought I was going to be among those that go to the gym early in the morning.
19. It doesn’t make any sense to share your room with your spouse when kids do have their individual rooms.
20. Sigh. Yet again, I’m up and without superpowers.
21. Often times, people take me for a good listener. But the thing is, I just don’t want to talk at the moment.
22. Whoever invented the idea that your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
23. Agree with a woman if you really want to change her mind.
24. The five stages of waking up are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
25. I already had kids that didn’t believe me by the time I realized my parents were right.
26. To lose weight just enough to allow my hands comfortably in a Pringles can is my Diet goal.
27. Each time I feel like running away, I just recall I hate running.
28. Running out of money is the only exercise I have done since this month.
29. People keep saying “I hate to bother you”. I think they should learn how to hate it a little bit more
30. It’s better to say I ran a half marathon than to say I quit halfway through a marathon.
31. Remember when game requests were the only things that got you annoyed on your feed
32. Caring about what others think, could be quite embarrassing
33. It seems a little excessive waking up every day.
34. When your bank flags deposits as a suspicious activity you already know you’re broke.
35. Like prescription drugs, People should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause.
36. I always remember that I can’t eat pancakes without having the syrup all over my body when I wonder if I could get away with murder.
37. Until you hear a child sing you never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are
38. What you see today in our society is a typical example of what is it when the clowns are allowed to run the circus.
39. For a man to admit that his wife is wrong? It takes a lot of courage.
40. It takes me a whole 8 hours to get nothing done sometimes.

Facebook Funny Quotes and Sayings

What about some very funny Facebook quotes and saying that will generate more likes?

41. When I see homeless people shake their cup of coins at me, I feel obsessed. It’s like; yes! No need to rub it in, I know you have more money than I do.
42. I always feel safe from identity theft when I look at my bank balance.
43. If you had the drive and persistence of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater, imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish
44. Yeah! I got to get out more, at least no one pissed me off today.
45. I will offer a reward worth a $1000 to anybody that gives me a taco and $1000.
46. The trouble with being awesome is that opposites attract.
47. I prefer to call the word “Lazy” selective participation.
48. I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair. Yes, you can call me old-fashioned.
49. I’m quite convinced that my ancestors would be pissed to figure that helicopters exist but I can’t actually fly one.
50. Are you saying that a chicken fried this rice?
51. It is said that one needs three balanced meals per day, my question is; how many will I have at night? Anyone, to help?
52. I’m always ready for bed; I wonder how people would need to get ready for bed.
53. I just broke my record for most days lived.
54. Like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing”, that’s the same way a woman would say “I’m not mad at you”.
55. Life is like a box of chocolates. Better get yours and steer clear from mine
56. While a good lawyer knows the law, an excellent one knows the judge.
57. Violent games were never allowed by my parents. It was family-friendly board games and they kept asking questions like “this guy was murdered with a pipe, who did it?”
58. You know how confused old folks look when they are faced with new technology? That’s the same way I feel with salad.
59. When you notice you need to have a drink to motivate you to go out for a drink, then you know you’re getting old.
60. I wonder why people subject themselves to medieval torture devices and call the place a gym house.
61. It means more work for me when I find myself with people who can’t make fun of themselves.
62. Even the pressure to be happy is on its own the cause of unhappiness.
63. I get kids confused each time I tell them I’m older than the internet.
64. Until my wife gets up from the bed and realizes I’m not doing anything, logically I don’t have to do anything.
65. I always say to my kids, it’s Santa Claus when the doorbell rings. This way, I won’t have to get up.
66. All my ironing is done in the dryer.
67. I keep reminding myself that I’m a valued customer at several grocery stores whenever I feel all alone in the world.
68. Eating a jelly sandwich & peanut butter. Yes! 500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board.
69. Look down, sigh, and say, “My wife took everything when she left” when a cashier asks you about your rewards card.
70. When I was trying to make room for a pizza was the only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table.

Really Funny Quotes for Facebook

We have some really funny quotes for Facebook that will definitely make your friends engaged with your status

71. If you want to embarrass a psychic, throw a surprise party
72. For 10 years now, I have said my best friends’ names. Thanks to the words “man”, “bro”, and “dude”.
73. I just hope they split us up by genre if someday we are sent to prison for downloading TV shows and Movies.
74. Be the entire problem and not just part of it.
75. I wish to be quite popular with a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
76. If you say you love your family, how come one remaining slice of pizza when there are three of you?
77. It’s childish to making fun of someone you’re angry with. Hit them with your car instead. Be an adult!
78. 7 billion people on the planet I can only tolerate probably 10 out of them.
79. There’s a great cast to my life, but I’m yet to figure out the plot
80. I’m sorry I left a slap on your face. I panicked as it seemed you weren’t going to stop talking.
81. Often times, I don’t have time to study. Even when I do, I still don’t.
82. When you’re not attractive, taking selfies could be overwhelming
83. I receive the speaking treatment from my wife.
84. You know I rarely make mistakes. So, it’s your fault when I do
85. When I still use my fingers to count, how do you expect me to make life choices?
86. It still won’t work better, even when I change my mind.
87. I have really fantastic bad ideas. I think that’s my problem.
88. No one wants to hear about your workout until you trip and smack your face on the treadmill.
89. I just ran two miles and I’m already feeling like I’m 82. Indeed, exercise can add more years to your life.
90. Waiting in the car is a pretty important part of being a Dad.
91. I don’t run my life and I don’t try to run my wife’s. We have a perfect understanding here and we’re cool with it.

With these super funny quotes for facebook status you are sure to get a lot of attention without having to reveal your personal details or your feelings and other activities. You can always check out for updates. See ya!