80 Funny and Clever Facebook Statuses

Funny Clever Facebook Statuses

Have you ever been in a state where you want to write a funny clever status and all you notice is that your brain can’t even process words together once you log into your Facebook account? There’s no need being worried about ‘’Facebook user block’’ or what’s mostly known as writer’s block with the help of the below collections of funny facebook status lines. Enjoy the read and get your Facebook status updated with funny clever Facebook statuses.


  1. That you will look at “the boy” and think of him as vulnerable and weak and fragile and broken… Never again I’m all grown.
  2. ‘’ if you no get money, hide your face’’… I’m trying to hide my face. Nobody should disturb me.
  3. Sports were something I engage in a lot. The good thing is that I’m now good at everything ever since I realized that trophies are much cheaper than I ever imagined.
  4. I never get tired of talking to myself for hours but once I’m being asked to tell a little about me, I totally forget my name.
  5. During my holiday at Lee’s place, I told her to trash her dirt and she told me she would do that later. She suddenly became so nice to me when I was about leaving, as she stood up to see me off, she entered the kitchen and grabbed the trash. I asked why she was doing that now, and she said, ‘’I’m emptying my house all at once. Taking out all the trash, including you’’.
  6. In the world, the most important thing is love and not money, but unfortunately, money is what I love.
  7. Girls would be dating monkeys only if money grows on trees.
  8. Mothers are just so unique and demanding, can you imagine my mum always tells me to call different numbers for her on my phone not even minding if I don’t have recharge card. I think MTN should employ me.
  9. Apples and blackberries were just fruits then, just remembering.
  10. If not that suicide is considered a crime, I would have killed the sexiest girl alive.
  11. In a society like ours, pizza and cold stone get to our house even before the police.
  12. Just know that you are doing something boring and not wavy if everyone loves you.
  13. It’s clear that mum has told us never to say anything when we don’t have any good thing to alter, but they are always wondering where I’m so quiet at home.
  14. I accidentally picked a call I’ve been ignoring to answer, this moment is so awkward.
  15. When a teacher accidentally marks you right when you chose the incorrect answer in a test, your heart leaps because it saved you from carryover.
  16. I wonder why there is no beer truck for adults when ice-cream truck is made available for children.
  17. You begin to wonder why bad things happen to good people when you forget dipping your cookies into milk and it’s now broken, trust me it could be depressing.
  18. Only when I feel the need to pee, I get up from the bed and no longer sleep.
  19. The feature that keeps you from getting pushed from the pool is the best feature of the iPhone.
  20. Kitchen to most men is the place where a woman belongs, just for clarity, it is where knives are kept.
  21. When you’re old, you get excited at those silly and crazy things you do when you were young because they are parts of the things to be counted.
  22. It’s not nice seeing some of the artists get the song wrong when I’m singing along in my ride.
  23. When a guy says it’s just five minutes to the end of the game, it’s the same as when a girl says she’ll be ready in five minutes.
  24. To read other people’s comments and fights are one of the pretty things Facebook offers.
  25. When I still use my fingers to count, you don’t the life choices made are by me.
  26. Be the ‘’entire’’ problem and not the part of a problem.
  27. I don’t know the plots of my life but I know my life is a great cast.
  28. Having really fantastic bad ideas is what I think my problem is.
  29. Waiting in the car is the most pretty part of being a dad.
  30. Suddenly when you have three of you in the family and a slice of pizza is left, and then you begin to imagine where the love in the family flees to.
  31. The speaking treatment is my wife.
  32. It still doesn’t get better even when I change my mind
  33. I think they are taking pictures of Google earth when the lightning strikes.
  34. I don’t try to run my wife’s life and I don’t try to run mine because my wife and I have perfect understanding,
  35. There are people who will always laugh at everything you post even at the condolence messages
  36. You will see an applied science when you ask a man to buy six items and he brings back five items, you send a woman to buys six items, she would come back with sixty-two items.
  37. When you are not too attractive taking pictures is a whole lot of work.
  38. It becomes your fault when I make mistakes because I don’t make mistakes often.
  39. Studying is much work, I don’t really have the time but when I do, I don’t.
  40. I can only tolerate five people out of the billions of people in the world, that’s how I live.
  41. When you agree with a woman, that’s the best way to change her mind, just keep it cool.
  42. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked, I’m sorry I slapped you.
  43. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead of being childish by making fun of someone you’re angry.
  44. In the dryer is where I do all of my ironing.
  45. I don’t have to get up whenever someone rings the doorbell, I just tell my kids,” I think it’s Santa Claus”.
  46. I remind myself that I’m a valued customer at several grocery stores whenever I feel all alone in the world.
  47. When I was trying to make a room for a pizza is the only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table.
  48. Letting somebody else cook is my secret ingredients.
  49. This rice was fried by a chicken is what you’re telling me.
  50. For most days lived I just broke my record.
  51. To remind yourself of how much you love sitting is best by running.
  52. Friends used to be called selfie- sticks I guess.
  53. I’m always ready for bed, so I don’t know how people have to ‘’get ready for bed’’.
  54. I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
  55. A box of chocolates is life. Stay the hell out of mine and get your own.
  56. The law is known by good lawyers. The judge knows an excellent one.
  57. When you have a friend to motivate you to go out and have a drink, just know you’re getting old.
  58. A dentist saying, ‘’you won’t feel a thing’’ is the same as a woman saying, ’I’m not mad at you’’.
  59. It’s more work for me when people can’t make fun of themselves. That I don’t like.
  60. Until my wife wakes up and realizes I’m not doing anything, technically, I don’t have to do anything.
  61. With salad, I have that confused look old people make when looking at a new innovation.
  62. I tell kids I’m older than the internet in order to confuse them.
  63. The pressure to be happy is a shocking result of unhappiness in the heart.
  64. It seems a little excessive waking up every day.
  65. If you call the place a gym, people apparently will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices.
  66. When your bank flags deposits as a suspicious activity just know you are broke.
  67. Until you hear a child sings some song lyrics that’s when you know how dirty they are.
  68. The list of side effects should not be for prescribed drugs alone, people should also list what they are likely to cause.
  69. We only watch family-friendly board games with questions like, ’who murdered this guy with a rod’ in my house and not violent video games.
  70. When the circus is being run by clowns is a good example of the happenings in today’s society.
  71. Even those ladies that cannot save themselves drawing eyebrows are also thankful for how the year has been.
  72. Before you introduce me, you have to explain to them first and apologize later to me, I am that friend.
  73. To get nothing done, it takes me eight hours sometimes.
  74. For a man to admit his wife is wrong, it takes a lot of courage.
  75. I got to get out more, nobody pissed me up today.
  76. The trouble in being awesome is the attraction of opposites.
  77. To anyone who brings me $6610 and a taco, I’m offering $6610.
  78. I refer to call it selective participation because lazy is a strong word.
  79. I mostly refer to women with eyebrow made of hair, you can call me old-fashioned.
  80. A constant reminder that I’m free from theft is my bank balance.

You capture the minds of your friends with these funny and clever Facebook statuses and this is a good opportunity to increase engagement on your timeline just by bringing smiles to the faces of your friends through these updated Facebook status. Don’t sleep on it, get your status updated with the witty lines above.

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